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Taking Questions

What is a miscarriage?

When a baby growing inside its mommy dies before it is time to be born.

You may hear someone say, "After my mom had a miscarriage, she was sad for a long time."

A lot of time, doctors and parents never know what made the baby die.

Miscarriages are not anyone's fault. Nothing you did or said or thought could make the baby die. Some kids say they felt bad because now and then they didn't want a new baby. Most kids feel that way one time or another. Feeling that way didn't make the baby die.

Even though you never got to hold the baby, your family had a lot of love for the baby.

This means your mom and dad and everyone in the family is probably sad.

"Grandma, why did our baby die," I asked. "Did I do it when I patted too hard? Sometimes I didn't want a new baby." Grandma gave me a big, soft hug. "No," she said. "The baby didn't die because you patted Mommy's tummy too hard. Nothing you said or did or thought could ever make Baby die. It's nobody's fault. It just happened. I don't know why."

No New Baby by Marilyn Gryte

Answer taken fromWhat Does That Mean? A Dictionary of Death, Dying and Grief Terms for Grieving Children and Those Who Love Them by Harold Ivan Smith and Joy Johnson, Center Corporation, 2006. www.centering.org

Suggested questions for future editions can be sent to goodmourning@archildrens.org (please put "Taking Questions" in the subject line).


The Mourning News - February 2011

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